Focus, Focus,….don’t forget to breathe

The loving kindness exercise was to repeat a paragraph stating how “I” want to help others and to focus on this paragraph visualizing it in your mind. For the first few minutes I was just “saying” the words, then I started thinking about the words as I said them. The only profound effect that it had on me was that for a moment I didn’t feel the “ugly” parts of the world. Like watching the news- it’s all ugly and makes you dislike the way we live, this exercise erased that ugliness and I focused on the good.
The Integral assessment had us to meditated and ask ourselves about the aspects of our lives and how they are working or not working for us. What do we need to focus on more? Etc…
I had to sit and think quite awhile taking in the questions. I really believe that I missed a step in the Interpersonal quadrant of my life. I went straight to the “you” and skipped the “I” And probably have only reached the “all of us” only a few times in my life. I really enjoy and often do help others. I like to make people happy. But I am also very confused on what else I like… there has to be more than I like to make others happy and I like to workout,….right?! Maybe , perhaps I need to sit down for a couple hours and discover myself. I plan to go to the national park today, run with the running stroller, have my lil girl run some too (hopefully making her tired) run some more with her in the stroller until she falls asleep then I will find a nice quiet spot close my eyes and just …meditate…figure out the “I” .
I’ll let you know how it goes!

connected

http://docs.google.com/leaf?id=0B2GHzya0u7cdNjVjYjhlMDYtYWJiZC00MGRhLThjYTUtZWY5NmEyMTJmMzY1&hl=en

krrkeekkkrrrrrrkrrrr

So whom ever decided that these CD's were ready to send out Surely didn't listen to them. After the first 5min, which is quite enjoyable, there is static....not subtle static BUT crazy static.
I've done this type of exercise before. Long ago when I was a Sophmore in College our psychology professor would give us extra credit if we would stay after class and participate in quieting our mind. I loved it! Then of course I would end up falling asleep.
This exercise I could more easily do then the last unit. I have an existing biological thing to grasp onto- the breath. Where as last unit it was a lot to do with the imagination....and when my imagination gets going BOY does it go. So being able to follow my breath wasn't too hard. Of course my mind does wander now and then, but it is simple to bring it back to the breath.
Spiritual wellness is connected to mental and physical wellness. If all have been reading the text we see that studies have proven this. The use of prayer to help heal someone is a good example. Or how thoughs people that believe in a higher being (or a more connectedness of life) are less likely to be depressed and find joy in simple activities.
I am currently working on my mental and spritual wellness'. I know that in times of loss that I do turn toward trying to see the "bigger picture" and I think to myself- there must be a reason, there's always a reason. This seems to help me and take that sadness away for a time.
P.S. It is very easy to quiet my mind if I take a moment out of the day just to watch my daughter, not think about what she is doing, but just watch....my mind goes still.

Optomistic with the Flu

I found this exercise a little harder to stay focused (probably due to being sick). I did notice though, and this is quite interesting so listen up, that when listening to the track on the cd and trying to visualize My sickness left me for the time. I didn't feel nausiated, my nose wasn't running, I didn't sneeze, and my pounding headache had left me momentarily. HOW CRAZY IS THAT?!
When visualizing sending love out to others I was picturing sucking in a grey fog and letting out little 3D red hearts floating towards the other people. I couldn't get the same sensation towards trying to love myself. I can't quite grasp the reason for this. I know I care for others. I don't have an enemy or anyone that I even dislike. I don't think negatively about others, yet I have so much negative feelings about myself. I will continue to do this exercise the rest of the week and I will let you know If perhaps I can "change".
Mental workout is keeping your psychological health at its best- which in turn benefits both the spiritual and physical states of our lives (remember they are all connected). We have to understand how our own personal thoughts come about and how we react to them. Once we figure that part out we can work on bettering those thoughts. I can implement mental workouts by aknowledging when I repond negatively to my own thoughts. First I will notice what and why I am thinking a certain way- then I will open my mind up and let that thought travel through other ways that I can percieve the certain situation. I think this is the best first step.
Today was my daughters 3rd birthday. She is feeling much better today (not sick to the belly and no headache) I on the other hand am at the worst part of the illness. I could have slept in today, been a big grumpy head, and stayed in the house BUT I got up, fixed myself up as best I could and took my daughter to the horse stables to see the ponies. When I felt like laying down and crying I sucked it up and looked to a higher being and said "not a funny joke" as I laughed:)

To inner peace and outer flow

I have decided to do the relaxation exercise every morning. I feel the blood moving in my body. How superb! This time around I especially felt being grounded through the lower back (like my feet were planted like a tree root into the ground) and then again I had tremendous ..ummmm enlightened feeling in the chest, forehead, and crown of head. Even as I sit now, my head (from the crown) is a fuz and feels like it is smiling. I think doing this daily might be beneficial in making me feel important. I am a little frustrated that I didn't get much of a feeling from my abdominal area. I think maybe I will try the exercise tomorrow lying down..maybe that will do the trick.
Now I will move on to rating my wellness levels:
A)physical well being, scores a 7, and although anyone else viewing my daily workout routines would cry out "Are you MAD, you must be a 10!- I feel as though I have much more to offer and this is the one area in my life that I could do 24 hours a day and not get tired of doing it. As a goal- I will be a model to women in being that we are strong and capable of doing anything- we should never give up on our bodies. Of course that is the ultimate goal. As a smaller goal I will finish the Hawaii xterra offroad half marathon in November with a pace of 7:00 min per mile.
B)spiritual well being, scores a 4, ....
C)psychological well being, scores a 4,... these two areas of my life are why I am taking this class. To really get to the point where I want to be at- I need to have all areas of my life at ultimate levels. And these areas are bringing me down.
As for working with clients and or just talking to strangers I am a very loving and caring person. I sincerely feel for other people and want to help them. But I am very negative toward myself. Never accepting that I have done as good as I should have. This way of thought also keeps me from venturing out and making friends....which obviously is outrageously WRONG. As goals: I want to feel connected to the world and I want to be able to except me for me. SO "let's get this party started!"

To reach all of my goals I must keep looking forward. I can not keep revisiting my past and letting it stop me from accomplishing the daily tasks that I set for myself. I think that the guided imagery is wonderful and could really be of use. I will continue to do that. I also think that positive affirmations posted around the house will be of great benefit. One big idea that I think will make the most positive influence in my change is when my husband gets back from deployment I plan on joining a running group- meet some people with my same interests, get a little me time to be me and not Mommy or student, but fun running Aly :)

Falling into the pits of relaxation

I finished the relaxation technique that was set up for us. The entire time I was thinking "I don't want to be relaxed though, I want to be energetic and alert- I hate feeling lazy and calm" BUT I did what the voice said to do. Guess what? It worked! Not only did my arms and hands become very heavy and warm, they also became tingly. I was relieved at the end of the session when the voice said that we would come back to a calm state BUT energized. AND I did. I LIKE that very much so.. I was in the midst of this activity (knowing good and well I should just be paying attention to only what the voice was saying) that I wish that I could make my body be more energized without having to workout--see as of right now that is the only thing that makes me truly happy during the day- working out, running around playing with my daughter, or cleaning the house...I can't stand not having anything to do. This activity proved that I can feel lively while giving my body the rest that it may need. How lovely!!! Does anyone else want to go on my 14mile run today with me:) See you then.

Aly